XIV

OBLIVION

 

They waited for me, and I came to them,

silently knowing that I had never left.

I had no energy left to condemn,

and of hope and happiness I was bereft.

 

‘This is the choice your heart truly made,

the one to which we responded with haste.

We awakened the thoughts you so foolishly betrayed,

so your eternity of despair does not go to waste.’

 

They pointed to the distant debris of the worlds

and the stars and the life spiralling to the void.

And I knew that my body would soon be hurled

into the perpetual infinity I could no longer avoid.

 

‘This singularity, this thing of destruction,

has as its purpose no other function

than to suck from the vacuum of space all life,

thus ending for all…all manner of strife.

 

‘This is the home to which you are fated,

by refusing to embrace your existence.

You squandered an eternity, berated

by your own self-pity and self-resistance.

 

‘It was to this place we brought the Golden Creature,

this place of despair,

truly knowing not what was expected in there.

But she hoped, in this chaos, to finally find peace,

for only in slumber does all our pain cease.’

 

And I stared into the abyss of despair,

longing for the end of all hope and all care.

 

The darkness it called like a lover,

tempting me with escape from my pain.

It taunted me with thoughts of the other,

knowing I couldn’t go there again.

 

I knew my surrender was nigh at hand,

and all I need do was inch closer.

This oblivion was so much in demand,

that countless souls were lost to this monster.

 

Because I had decided, by not deciding,

that nothing would ever enlighten my being,

the Universe had duly responded, providing

the means by which I could end all seeing

and feeling and loving and knowing.

Drawn to its embrace, I felt myself going…

 

The fantasy of re-living, again and again,

the moment I idolised so much

was given to me.

 

And so, I eternally abide here, forever

knowing that by so doing I choose never

to allow myself to live again;

lest I allow myself to love again.

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