III

LOSING HER

 

Her face sprang to mind, her whispers of love.

I could not see her, for she was far above

and I e’er below on this planet of omission.

Could I not join her, and vacate my position

of languishing aloof while the seasons stomped by,

crushing my hope while hope was still nigh?

 

In jest we laughed of the rule I would break,

never realising the difference it would make

to my life and my love, and my hopes and my dreams.

All lost their meaning as, unravelling the seams

of the laws of Creation, my world fell apart.

The rule that I broke had broken my heart.

 

She passed e’er peacefully as I looked on,

still without answers of where she had gone.

And comforts poured in with nonsensical vapidity,

robbing her life of its earthly validity.

She meant more to me than some imagined place.

She offered me hope every time with her face,

as she smiled and her eyes would alight upon mine.

I knew every day that she was my line

 to something greater than I, something worthy of existence.

And yet capitulation had met with resistance

from within. I had not given my all,

and in holding back sometimes my words would fall

from my lips without hearing them first in my head.

And never retrieving the words that I said,

I hurt her.

 

Yet she loved me, I knew this, I held to it tight.

I saw it in her eyes as, kissing ‘Goodnight,’

we would part ways for a time to wait fondly again

for each renewal of passion rekindled when

we embraced. And all was good with the world.

How could I have wished to part from this girl?

 

I held back my guilt as she rotted away.

‘No apologies,’ she always did say.

For she knew I was a fool, and loved me the same.

Yet still would she leave me, consigned to the flame

of unknowing, uncaring, irrational preparation.

I resented the clichés of empty consolation.

For no one had known her as I understood,

and in keeping close her memory no one ever would.

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